'Til Debt Do Us Part

Let me lay a fact on you: the average wedding costs $28,000.
Let me lay another fact on you: the number one reason couples fight/divorce is because of money (finances/debt/etc.).

Do both these statements together seem kind of opposing in some way? Maybe sort of ironic?

Maybe it's odd to me because the only expenses I occurred getting married were A. Our marriage license and B. The payment to the justice that officiated us. All-in-all maybe $300 was spent on our wedding, approximately.

Now, I have this theory about capitalism and its effects on weddings, I mean, why else would the wedding industry be a multi-billion dollar industry if it was not profitable? That doesn't make sense. They have learned to tap into your emotions, "It's your day, it's your one day to feel special." They ploy their advertisements and target them towards vulnerable fiances, "It's a traditional style that's sure to please." They make up ridiculous rules such as, "If you really love her you'd spend two months salary on her ring." These weddings are engineered to put you into a position of owing, put you into debt. I could go on this spiel forever but I'll save your eyes and continue...

The sad part is... people eat that shit up! Unlike their wedding cake, "It was expensive, but really complimented our color scheme! You can't eat it but we have some sheet cake over here for you." Seem familiar?

Try having these sort of "traditional" weddings before WWII. People wouldn't compliment all your fancy centerpieces and houvre d oeuvres, instead they would be disgusted of your lavish ceremony. This is obviously a wedding well beyond your means!

I know people would like to share this day with many friends and family, that's what the ceremony is all about: sharing your love! Except... it's NOT. Not anymore anyway, which will bring me to my next story that I'm working on which discusses selfishness surrounding and strangling relationships, but that's for another time. Right now we're on guests.

How many people would be acceptable to invite to a wedding? 1000?  Don't you think it seems slightly narcissistic to invite one THOUSAND people to your wedding? 500? I'd be absolutely amazed if they knew every name and face of their guest. 300?  Remember, you're expected to feed and entertain these people as well. 100? Do you think you will be able to have time to have a meaningful conversation with each and every one of your guests? 30?  If you’re trying to decide who to put on your guest list, my advice is stick to inviting the people you care about the most because they’re the ones who want to be there the most too!

Why spend loads of money on a grandeur wedding you can't even afford when the #1 reason relationships are strained is because of financial issues? It just seems ironic to me that before you even say, "I do" you're starting your marriage on a heaping pile of "we owe." It's flat out foolish, irresponsible and you're potentially setting yourself up for some difficult struggles in the road ahead or possibly dissemination of a marriage and ultimately failure and premature divorce. Wasted time because you wanted to show off. Wasted money because you had to have "class."

My advice to you is: keep it simple, keep it intimate, keep it cheap, and DON'T BORROW MONEY FROM OTHERS-YES EVEN FAMILY-because that brings on a whole new boat of issues.

All Work and No Play at 3 am.

Can someone answer me this? Do mom's out there only share the good, sweet parts of their childrens' lives? Or are their children really as unpleasant as mine can be such as waking up all through the night and throwing temper tantrums when they don't have their way? Are they actually sweet little angels 100% of the time as they really portray?

See, I'm rather open about my parenting. Yes, my very ungrateful 10 month old is awake at 3 am right now. Of course I'm saying this in a sleep deprived, semi-comatose state, maybe slightly angry-with-her-but-it's-not-her-fault-but-I'm-still-kind-of-mad-that-I'm-even-up-at-this-hour-AGAIN sort of state. But, I'll admit that! I'll admit that parenting can be difficult at times and I'll admit that she still doesn't sleep through the night. I don't post it on Facebook every time my child gives me trouble but finding another mother confidant who shares her own stories with me certainly seems to help so that I don't feel so alone, so overwhelmed by life.

So let's see where I'm getting at here... I feel like with a lot of mothers that many feel as if they need to be better than every other mother out there. Since more friends of mine have had children themselves recently, I see many articles they post on their Facebook with the title of, "How could a mother DO such a thing?!" Isn't that slightly judgmental of them? Have you been a wonderful parent 100% of the time? Did this person have a support system or was she driven to the point of no return after many months of being depressed and overwhelmed? You should be so lucky you have so much loving and caring family, friends, and relatives surrounding and supporting you. I'm quite frankly appalled by my friends' quick judgement, by stating that because one person acted without conscience in that one moment they are instantaneously deemed unfit for parenting and that by shaming that publicly that makes them somehow better than them. It's appalling.

We mothers need to stop being so hard on one another! We need to band together! Have you ever heard the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child?" Of course you have! It's not, "It takes only one sleep-deprived, depressed, overwhelmed and overworked angry mother to raise a child." Yet, that's what we almost all believe deep down inside.

Another honest moment, I've had depression for years. After having my daughter I acquired some serious baby-blues/postpartum  My family eventually noticed and warned me that I needed an outlet. My mother got me drawing supplies and my husband would offer to do more work with the baby to give me a break but you know what eventually saved me the most? My neighbor. My friends.

A likely culprit in my nagging depression is I had very little people to confide my feelings to. I didn't want to bug people with my problems! That's a funny thing about depression though, the more you need to talk to people the less likely your depression will let you!

Our neighbors noticed we had a child just about the same age as theirs. Coincidentally, they happened to be the very same ages that my husband and I were! Eventually we all introduced each other and now we have new friends to play with. Then, some sort of domino-effect happened and we started seeing our old friends more often too! We exchange childcare, of course, be we also share our feelings, our stories, fun moments and games together! It's nice to know there are people I can rely on that are close to home, it's relieving just having that system in place even if I don't have to use it!

Mothers, fathers, and hermits, I encourage you to introduce yourselves to your neighbors. Extrovert or introverts (such as myself), surround yourself with your community and your friends. I'm not asking you to spend every waking moment with them but keep in contact and develop a trusting friendship just enough so it's not awkward when you reconnect. Learn to trust everyone and enjoy their company. Your child will be happier and most importantly you will be happier! I feel like a broken record but, "You can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself." Stop shaming other parents for what they do (story will follow), give them a break before they melt down or just listen to them rant without judging. Metaphorically speaking, put yourself in their shoes.

I honestly just needed to write this because my daughter woke me up at three am for about the seventh day in a row. I was ANGRY. So, I set her down, I turned on the TV for her (Yes I did, get over it, it WON'T kill her), and I sat down and wrote. I feel so much better now! *Coffee may have helped alleviate the effects of sleep deprivation. I had no idea what I wanted to write, I'm certain there's no "flow" or connection throughout any of my paragraphs but maybe you can relate, share a story, or just heed my advice before you, yourself blow a gasket.

How could you stay mad at this cutie <3

Story time: When we are out in public and my daughter starts to fuss I give her a Cheeto. Yes, a processed, un-organic CHEETO! I can hear you all now: "How could you?!" "You MONSTER!"

Well... It's a Cheeto or a temper tantrum in public, you pick your poison. If you know me personally you know I'm quite against having processed foods in the home so that makes me a hypocrite too. "You HYPOCRITE!" Yet, here I am thinking, just wait until it happens to you ;)

A Year of Procrastination and Poor Quality Photos (DID YOU TAKE THAT WITH A POTATO?).

Oh my... I have had SUCH a hectic life the last year, I have completely forgotten to update my blog like I personally vowed to do (more like queen of procrastination really). Well, I finally remembered, and I have so much to write about and photos to display (that I took with my amazing phone camera, WHAT QUALITY!)! Things such as: How I got out of my financial HELL-HOLE, how my marriage is sufficing, our various hobbies, oh, and we had a baby! So... I promise, in the next few weeks I will return to my late-night, internet rantings about life!

Funny People

Some people come up with the most slap-the-knee, darn funniest things I have ever heard. Me, on the other hand, I couldn't make a joke if it was written for me, spoken for me, and had an audience paid to laugh at it for me. Thank goodness I am blessed with the ability to laugh at some of the most stupid (ahem, immature) stuff. I think that's what balances out the humor in my life, I can't make funny but funny can make me... (most of the time I have to laugh at myself and all the dumb things people point out at that I do or have done). Either I need to start wearing glasses (or pillows) because I comically fall (often) and find every sexual related term halarious (at a gun store with the husband and a sign reads: Great Penetrating Power). Yes... I laughed out loud until my cheeks hurt and my husband played it off as if we were not related in any way.

Funny things that make me laugh:

I turned my phone on airplane mode & threw it into the air... Worst. Transformer. Ever.

I put a dollar in one of those change machines; but nothing changed...

I saw a butterfly without any wings today. I poured some Red Bull on it & BAM!....it drowned. :(

I saw a video of polar bears drinking water. Clearly it was fake; because we all know they drink Coca Cola.

Hit the snooze button a few more times than usual this morning. Apparently I wanted to start my day with procrastination.

I'm afraid to drink soda because I'm afraid the bubbles will make me float up onto the ceiling.

I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes & thought "Wow, he's easily amused"...then I realized, I just watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes & let me tell you: it was very entertaining.

Whenever someone says "ROFL", I think of Scooby Doo trying to say "waffle".

If you watch "Saw" backwards, it becomes an inspirational story about a man who provides limbs for the disabled.

Dilemma: do I do my dishes, or attempt to eat my vegetable soup out of a cup with a knife?...

I bought a box of animal crackers & it said on it "do not eat if seal is broken". I opened up the box, & sure enough...

If I think of anymore I will definately post, in times like these a smile is a pretty good pick-me-up. Until the collections agency calls again!

:) Have a wonderful day!

It May be That My Sole Purpose in Life is Simply to Serve as a Warning to Others.

It may be that my sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others: case-in-point...

I married my husband after only knowing him for one month.

Be good; if you can’t be good, have fun.

I married my husband after only knowing him for one month.

It's a funny story really, we were co-workers and we never had talked to each other before. We had only worked with each other for no more than three hours since I started working there the year before the day we fell in love. We both worked at a nursing home and as he was getting off his shift, I was starting mine. In nursing homes as one shift arrives the shift currently there has to give "report" and tell the oncoming shift everything that went on during the day and any changes that are seen in any of the residents or any new cares to be given. Anyway, I went to check the 24 hour report (a report that just notes the residents behaviors [basically what you would tell everyone during report] ect. ect.) and as I bent over to check the report on the desk... BAM... my butt touches my now husband on his hip. I quickly apologized and turned RED AS A BEET. I would call myself socially inept... pretty shy ever since I was a wee young one... but he was cute and I totally touched him with my butt! Then he went home and I thought nothing of it but for how stupid I felt and gossipped with my coworker over how cute he was!

The next day as I arrive at work I realize someone called in sick to their shift. I (not knowing at the time) didn't realize my future husband volunteered that day to stay late and work half the shift because he would get to work with me. My husband also later confessed that he also thought I intentionally touched him with my butt. That whole night we talked and kept sitting closer and closer until right before he left we kissed outside the time clock.

Our first kiss! It was magical. I practically remember every moment of it, from the gum he was chewing to the color scrub top he was wearing... he put his arms around me in a tight embrace (really tight) and as he kissed me I swear he had to hold me up because I was pretty sure I was going to faint (or he was cutting off the oxygen supply to my brain).

I never expected us to end up married a month later, or even date. The truth is, my husband and I are morally HORRIBLE people. He was engaged to be married to someone seven months later and I was in a new relationship with a man stationed down in Georgia for the National Guard getting ready to deploy the day before my husband and his now ex-fiance were to be married. So... we both cheated on our significant others with that kiss. I even told him, "I want you to get back with ****** and get married and be happy...." and "we wouldn't work out being together we are much too different of people (because I didn't want to screw up his life and ruin his marriage)." I think I consciously cared about him as much as I do now and was hoping not to ruin his life. But.. I did :)

A week later he broke up with his now ex-fiance and I moved in. We felt as though we were twin-flames.... or soul mates. I left him a little note on his pillow before I went to work one night (he worked Pm's and I worked overnights) saying that "I understand if you don't want to see me anymore and if you think I am crazy but I just want to tell you I love you." When he got home and read that he said he almost cried and said he felt the same way and was afraid to tell me in fear I would think he was crazy too. --We actually kept the notes, I will definitely post what I said on them if there is a request because I'm only paraphrasing here-- I only knew him for a week but we both felt as if we had known each other our whole entire lives. I felt as though we complimented each other in every way and even our weakness were reinforced into strengths as we continued to support each other through the difficult times we faced (and currently face).

My husband continues to this day to be my best friend. When there is a black-head to be popped out of his behind, I'll be there. Whenever there is a black, one inch long whisker on my chin ready to be found and plucked, there he is tweezers in hand. I never wanted to be married growing up, I never cared about having a wedding, or a ring either... We actually tried our hardest to keep our marriage secret, I even  secretly Googled "marrying fiance after knowing him for only 1 month" to see just how crazy we were, but don't tell my husband that... and yeah, there was nothing I could find about it.  we got married at the courthouse, got $20 rings from Amazon.com but work gossip ultimately got the best of that and EVERYONE knew the next day, but, oh well :)

I hope whatever anyone chooses, they they choose to be with someone that ultimately makes them want to be the best person they can be, that makes them smile, feel comfortable and safe. That's what is important. I'm not endorsing getting married because you randomly meet a stranger and think you are in love... you know when you find that other person. It's that hardest thing to explain in the world but ... you just know when you found that one person. I used to think love and soul mates was all bullshit told to us so people could get married and create an institution utilized to raise children in a correct environment (and still some do) but like I have said, I used to have my WHOLE life planned out from plan A to plan IM A FAILURE PLAN ZZZ, but I'm relearning how to live.