'Til Debt Do Us Part

Let me lay a fact on you: the average wedding costs $28,000.
Let me lay another fact on you: the number one reason couples fight/divorce is because of money (finances/debt/etc.).

Do both these statements together seem kind of opposing in some way? Maybe sort of ironic?

Maybe it's odd to me because the only expenses I occurred getting married were A. Our marriage license and B. The payment to the justice that officiated us. All-in-all maybe $300 was spent on our wedding, approximately.

Now, I have this theory about capitalism and its effects on weddings, I mean, why else would the wedding industry be a multi-billion dollar industry if it was not profitable? That doesn't make sense. They have learned to tap into your emotions, "It's your day, it's your one day to feel special." They ploy their advertisements and target them towards vulnerable fiances, "It's a traditional style that's sure to please." They make up ridiculous rules such as, "If you really love her you'd spend two months salary on her ring." These weddings are engineered to put you into a position of owing, put you into debt. I could go on this spiel forever but I'll save your eyes and continue...

The sad part is... people eat that shit up! Unlike their wedding cake, "It was expensive, but really complimented our color scheme! You can't eat it but we have some sheet cake over here for you." Seem familiar?

Try having these sort of "traditional" weddings before WWII. People wouldn't compliment all your fancy centerpieces and houvre d oeuvres, instead they would be disgusted of your lavish ceremony. This is obviously a wedding well beyond your means!

I know people would like to share this day with many friends and family, that's what the ceremony is all about: sharing your love! Except... it's NOT. Not anymore anyway, which will bring me to my next story that I'm working on which discusses selfishness surrounding and strangling relationships, but that's for another time. Right now we're on guests.

How many people would be acceptable to invite to a wedding? 1000?  Don't you think it seems slightly narcissistic to invite one THOUSAND people to your wedding? 500? I'd be absolutely amazed if they knew every name and face of their guest. 300?  Remember, you're expected to feed and entertain these people as well. 100? Do you think you will be able to have time to have a meaningful conversation with each and every one of your guests? 30?  If you’re trying to decide who to put on your guest list, my advice is stick to inviting the people you care about the most because they’re the ones who want to be there the most too!

Why spend loads of money on a grandeur wedding you can't even afford when the #1 reason relationships are strained is because of financial issues? It just seems ironic to me that before you even say, "I do" you're starting your marriage on a heaping pile of "we owe." It's flat out foolish, irresponsible and you're potentially setting yourself up for some difficult struggles in the road ahead or possibly dissemination of a marriage and ultimately failure and premature divorce. Wasted time because you wanted to show off. Wasted money because you had to have "class."

My advice to you is: keep it simple, keep it intimate, keep it cheap, and DON'T BORROW MONEY FROM OTHERS-YES EVEN FAMILY-because that brings on a whole new boat of issues.

All Work and No Play at 3 am.

Can someone answer me this? Do mom's out there only share the good, sweet parts of their childrens' lives? Or are their children really as unpleasant as mine can be such as waking up all through the night and throwing temper tantrums when they don't have their way? Are they actually sweet little angels 100% of the time as they really portray?

See, I'm rather open about my parenting. Yes, my very ungrateful 10 month old is awake at 3 am right now. Of course I'm saying this in a sleep deprived, semi-comatose state, maybe slightly angry-with-her-but-it's-not-her-fault-but-I'm-still-kind-of-mad-that-I'm-even-up-at-this-hour-AGAIN sort of state. But, I'll admit that! I'll admit that parenting can be difficult at times and I'll admit that she still doesn't sleep through the night. I don't post it on Facebook every time my child gives me trouble but finding another mother confidant who shares her own stories with me certainly seems to help so that I don't feel so alone, so overwhelmed by life.

So let's see where I'm getting at here... I feel like with a lot of mothers that many feel as if they need to be better than every other mother out there. Since more friends of mine have had children themselves recently, I see many articles they post on their Facebook with the title of, "How could a mother DO such a thing?!" Isn't that slightly judgmental of them? Have you been a wonderful parent 100% of the time? Did this person have a support system or was she driven to the point of no return after many months of being depressed and overwhelmed? You should be so lucky you have so much loving and caring family, friends, and relatives surrounding and supporting you. I'm quite frankly appalled by my friends' quick judgement, by stating that because one person acted without conscience in that one moment they are instantaneously deemed unfit for parenting and that by shaming that publicly that makes them somehow better than them. It's appalling.

We mothers need to stop being so hard on one another! We need to band together! Have you ever heard the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child?" Of course you have! It's not, "It takes only one sleep-deprived, depressed, overwhelmed and overworked angry mother to raise a child." Yet, that's what we almost all believe deep down inside.

Another honest moment, I've had depression for years. After having my daughter I acquired some serious baby-blues/postpartum  My family eventually noticed and warned me that I needed an outlet. My mother got me drawing supplies and my husband would offer to do more work with the baby to give me a break but you know what eventually saved me the most? My neighbor. My friends.

A likely culprit in my nagging depression is I had very little people to confide my feelings to. I didn't want to bug people with my problems! That's a funny thing about depression though, the more you need to talk to people the less likely your depression will let you!

Our neighbors noticed we had a child just about the same age as theirs. Coincidentally, they happened to be the very same ages that my husband and I were! Eventually we all introduced each other and now we have new friends to play with. Then, some sort of domino-effect happened and we started seeing our old friends more often too! We exchange childcare, of course, be we also share our feelings, our stories, fun moments and games together! It's nice to know there are people I can rely on that are close to home, it's relieving just having that system in place even if I don't have to use it!

Mothers, fathers, and hermits, I encourage you to introduce yourselves to your neighbors. Extrovert or introverts (such as myself), surround yourself with your community and your friends. I'm not asking you to spend every waking moment with them but keep in contact and develop a trusting friendship just enough so it's not awkward when you reconnect. Learn to trust everyone and enjoy their company. Your child will be happier and most importantly you will be happier! I feel like a broken record but, "You can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself." Stop shaming other parents for what they do (story will follow), give them a break before they melt down or just listen to them rant without judging. Metaphorically speaking, put yourself in their shoes.

I honestly just needed to write this because my daughter woke me up at three am for about the seventh day in a row. I was ANGRY. So, I set her down, I turned on the TV for her (Yes I did, get over it, it WON'T kill her), and I sat down and wrote. I feel so much better now! *Coffee may have helped alleviate the effects of sleep deprivation. I had no idea what I wanted to write, I'm certain there's no "flow" or connection throughout any of my paragraphs but maybe you can relate, share a story, or just heed my advice before you, yourself blow a gasket.

How could you stay mad at this cutie <3

Story time: When we are out in public and my daughter starts to fuss I give her a Cheeto. Yes, a processed, un-organic CHEETO! I can hear you all now: "How could you?!" "You MONSTER!"

Well... It's a Cheeto or a temper tantrum in public, you pick your poison. If you know me personally you know I'm quite against having processed foods in the home so that makes me a hypocrite too. "You HYPOCRITE!" Yet, here I am thinking, just wait until it happens to you ;)